Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Ft Irwin Part 4

Once again we enter a tent this on blessedly lighted and OMG there before me is a sea of cots and bedrolls most vacant but some with the firm young flesh I need for my army. "Um Vicki" Over here is our corner. They lead me to the left of the enterance I follow in a daze. Would it be possible to wipe my chin without drawing attention to myself???? AH there success. First thing I notice about the corner? no chairs no cots just lots of hard concrete with astro turf (EEW) really dirty astro turf (what have those boys been doing in here???). First thing Mikey does is plop down the cot he was caring. Oh how nice of him something for me to sit on. Next thing I notice all the others are piling all that wonderful food on the cot (guess they would not risk the floor for the food the Evil Mistress is something else entirely, food shown more respect than the Evil Mistress???? note to self send #1 Evil Minion with crop to whip this boys into shape).

Nothing for it so much for the white sweats I have on. Gingerly I lower myself to the floor, facing the confines of the tent and promptly forgot all about the floor. Visions flashed before my eyes "The Evil Mistress on her throne surveying her loyal subjects as the kneel before her. (snap snap Oh Michael fetch me one of those, oh and 2 of those and OH I absolutely most have some of those." "Um Vicki the oven and the stove can't be run at the same time it seems they blow the circuit if run together". "POP" my fantasy vanishes in a flash. UOH there may be trouble a brewing here.

What on earth is that growling noise I wonder as I cast a jaundiced eye about me and realize that I am cut off from all possible escape backed into a corner and surrounded by no less than a dozen hungry Marines and Rangers. (gulp) nothing for it but to persevere. I placed the largest pot of soup onto the stove and start gathering the vegitables to chop. Glance at the stove and the light is out. OMG this soup is going to take forever to heat, I murmmer to myself as I glance worriedly at my hungry subjects. Another vision flashes before my eyes this one with me trying to explain that the soup will not heat and Michael replies "Oh that's alright Vicki we weren't very hungry anyway, hey want to go watch us target practice?" "OH UM sure that sounds great" I reluctantly agree. "Great then guys I will meet you out at the range don't worry about the target I'll take care of that" Michael tells the troops as he grabs my arm to escort me on our way. "OH LORD" I can see Michael's post now to the ladies of our group, "I'm sorry ladies she didn't make it such a shame too she was doing so well, until she tripped. Looks like you will have to elect a new Evil Mistress of the Dark."

As the late afternoon began to creep toward early evening. All of a sudden all my Rangers left me to the mercy of all those Marines. My Rangers said they had formation (personally I think they got tired of waiting on the soup and went to the mess hall. The vegitables may have been a little on the crunchy side but that didn't stop two particularly attractive Marines from making a bee line over to my corner as soon as the Rangers were out the ten flap. Ladies I am sure that you will know what I mean when I say romance novel hero perfect that is what these two were. They devoured 6 bowels of my soup and 1 full loaf of french bread along with some of the scared cookies. Then they even offered to pay me for my trouble WOOHOO!!!! As the Evil Mistress smiling ever so sweetly reached for her camera.

Finally (my mind was really on more important matters) I got the idea to put the smaller pot of soup into the oven and turn it on high. Wasn't too long before all the soup was cooked but I fear by then most of the Marines had trudged off to the mess hall. What seemed like hours later my Rangers finally returned devoured more soup and some of the desert. With the time inching toward 7 in the evening and me running out of witticisms to keep all my rangers and marines entertained. I figured out to leave the left overs in foil pouches and plastic bags loaded up my car and perpared for my departure.

My dear Mikey offered to ride with me back out to the road where I started and I fear while we were in the car was when poor Mikey became the most embarassed. "It was so good to finally meet you Vicki" "Oh and you too Mikey you are just too cute"
"I AM NOT CUTE" was the indignant reply "PUPPIES ARE CUTE, GERBELS ARE CUTE CHIPMUNKS WITH THEIR PUDGY LITTLE CHEECKS ARE CUTE"... " But Mikey you have cute pudgey little cheeckys I just want to give them such a pinch" As I grabbed my own for a pinch (LOL) "Aren't you glad we are alone right now Mikey???" "OH Lord" groaned Mikey as he laid his head in his hands "YOU HAVE NO IDEA".

So ends my journey to Ft Irwin to seek out likely recruits for my Army of the Dark. To date I have no idea if I was successful or not. Only time will tell.


  1. "note to self send #1 Evil Minion with crop to whip this boys into shape)"

    My my that's quite an offer but can we just *say* I whipped them and take them out for cookies instead?

    [more the soft cuddly minion sort]

  2. 'Evil Mistress'

    I have found you. Your #2 Evil Minion - Eater of Sacred Cookies..
    (that I can steal from #1 Evil Minion-Keeper of Sacred Cookies(hi Pax){{ ;~) }}
    ..reporting for duty.

    Requesting any and all Army and/or Marine Crushed Crumbs that haven't been gobbled-up by #1EM.

    OOOOoooooo. Hard-bodies to Crush, Crumble and Lick-the-Icing-off-the-Top.

    I just "lov v v v ves s s s" hard-bodies.
    (( ;~) slurp..snickers slurp..snickers))

    Thank you oh 'Evil Mistress'.

    Miss Em
    Austell, GA.